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Austin Sucks! Or Does It? I Dunno…I’m Confused…

austin sucks
Do these people appear to be having any fun?
***For more culture talk, check out our take on Millennials… Austin doesn’t really suck. Like any rapidly-growing city, you’re going to have some logistical problems when it comes to the influx of new residents. And yes, you’re going to have some locals who aren’t big fans of all this change. These opinions are valid and understandable, but even the nastiest of Austinites will have to admit that there is no stopping the flood of people. And guess what? At least your city is creating growth, jobs, opportunities, and culture. At least your city is creating something. Unlike say, Detroit. Or a host of other cities in Michigan, Ohio, or Pennsylvania. So shouldn’t we take the time to appreciate the growth of a city like Austin and what it means for Texas? Shouldn’t we recognize that an influx of people bring with them an influx of tastes, skills, lifestyles, and ideas? And that this cultural melting pot ultimately leads to differing ideas and opinions that can make a you a more well-rounded, and wise AKA better person? NO! WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?!? TRAFFIC! THERE’S TOO MUCH TRAFFIC! CHANGE IS TERRIBLE! I HAVE TO WAIT IN LINE EVERYWHERE NOW! Uber vs Lyft: What’s the Difference? Fair enough. Here are 5 reasons why Austin kinda, sorta sucks:

1. Austin Traffic Sucks!

We’ve talked long and hard about the problem with Austin traffic, so I won’t waste too much of your time. Suffice to say, Forbes thinks Austin traffic sucks and if Forbes says it, it’s probably true. Never forget that there is no end in sight, so buckle up, vote for the Austin rail system, and save your podcasts for the hour-long drive home. And for the love of God, don’t use the “exit only” lane to cut in line. I will not let you in. You can hit my car for all I care, but I WILL NOT LET YOU IN YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE CHEATING. If you do this, you are the worst.

2. Austin Summers Suck!

I’m not going to get into the global warming debate. Yes, the planet is getting a bit more warm. Wait…no it’s not. My bad. It is, but it’s just natural??? Nope, it’s all the fault of the damn, dirty humans. Science sometimes says things are true and then technology evolves a bit more and then, boom, those things that were once true are no longer true. Either way, the sun continues to rise each morning. But look at this. Okay, now look at this. I’m not worried about if it’s getting hotter (that’s not entirely true) because its already super hot. It’s clearly way too hot to live here. FreightPros selected for the Inc. 5000 list…

3. Austin Lines Suck!

I heard somewhere once that a social experiment was conducted in which people started waiting in line for no reason, for nothing, and yet it took no time at all for others to join them in line. Eventually the line for nothing extended multiple city blocks. I have no idea if this is true or just an urban legend but I really hope it’s true because that would be HILARIOUS. Austin has lots of cool stuff to do and lots of new cool people to do it, so of course there are going to be lines. We wait in line for hours for BBQ. Deal with it.
austin sucks
Waiting in line for Franklin BBQ is a terrible idea

4. Austin Property Costs Suck!

Texas is one of nine states that does not have income tax. At first glance, this is great! One less thing to worry about, right? But where does the government make up all that money they’re losing out on when it comes to income? One of the big places are in the high property costs of Austin and Texas in general. So if you’re looking to buy some property and build your dream house, especially in Austin, you better be ready to spend the big bucks. We’re not talking upper east side Manhattan here, but still, you’re probably going to have to overpay.

5. Austin Cedar Fever Sucks!

If you don’t know what cedar fever is then I suggest you stay away from Austin. Sure, everyone wants to be running, walking their dog, getting fit, and drinking margs on patios, but you know what all those things have in common? They’re outdoor activities. And you know what accompanies outdoor activities other than sunburns? Allergies. Allergies are the worst. If you have allergies then you already know what I’m talking about. And if you don’t, then I hate you. Now, you might be one of the lucky one that doesn’t have allergies, and you might think you have nothing to worry about when it comes to cedar fever. Au contraire, my friend. I’ve heard rumblings, nightmares really, of non-allergy sufferers waking up one day after about five years in Austin and suddenly having the cedar fever in the worst type of way, never to be allergy-free again. Allergies are weird like that. You can only do so much! In conclusion, do you see? Do you see how bad Austin sucks? And there are other things that I didn’t even have time to mention. The food is too good, and if you eat it all the time you’ll get fat! And the shame. People are so active here, that if you want to sit inside a cold, dark apartment on a beautiful Saturday afternoon, the townsfolk will come at you with pitchforks and make you leave the couch. And the humor! Boooo. People here have no sense of humor! For more terrible things about Austin, check out this wonderful infographic.

Logan Theissen

Logan is a Content Marketing Associate at FreightPros in charge of social media and content creation. He has a writing degree from the University of Oklahoma, but lives life on the edge and resides in Longhorn country. He loves Murakami books, Tarantino movies, and Vonnegut books. Lots of books. One day he will own a dog, but first he'll have to get a yard.

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